Romney: Champion Of Ugly Americans Everywhere!

Doesn’t have a point of view,
Knows not where he’s going to,
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?”

—”Nowhere Man,” John Lennon

he Times of London headlined—now famously— an article on Romney’s visit there:

”Nowhere man” Romney loses his way with gaffe about the Games

Nowhere man? Romney? Who could believe that?

I, for one, find it refreshing that Mittens has finally found his political footing and is abroad competently representing the interests of Ugly Americans. I mean, pompous Americans need a champion too!

And who is better qualified than Romney to look down his nose at what other folks are doing around the world, like, say, putting on the Olympics in London? Does your wife have a tax-deductible horse competing in the dressage competition at the Games? Huh?

And who better than Romney can represent the boorish businessman from America whose in-your-face superiority has been pissing off inferior people for a century! And by God the second bananas need to know who they are!

And some people think Romney forgot or never knew the name of Ed Miliband, Leader of the Labour Party, but it is obvious that Romney was sending  a coded but distinct message from Ugly America which I will gladly interpret: We don’t give a dog’s egg about that left-wing bloke!

And so what if Romney let it be known that he had a meeting with the hyper-secretive British intelligence agency MI6, which normally likes to keep folks in the dark, it being peopled by a bunch of spies and all. But how dare they try to put limitations on Americans! We kill people with invisible drones for God’s sake! Don’t they know who we are?

Yep, they do now!

By the way, The Times was not the first to label Mittens the “nowhere man.” Suspicious conservatives did that  in 2007:

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  1. Treeske

     /  July 27, 2012

    Very well said Duane.
    On the other hand, one feels almost sorry for this, probably very decent guy’s clumsiness, or is it truly arrogant ignorance (like you mentioned) the elite so often fall victim to?


    • Tree,

      You know, I hear the description of Romney as a “decent” or “nice” guy all the time—mostly from Democrats who then go on to bash his brains out!—but I’m not so sure what kind of guy he is in terms of being decent or nice.

      I mean, is Romney’s decency defined by his willingness to say literally anything to achieve the presidency?

      Is Romney being a nice guy when he tells lies constantly about Mr. Obama and suggests he is less than an American, helping to legitimize the weird fantasies of amateur and professional right-wing Obama-haters?

      Is his decency indicated by an unseemly eagerness to carve up his belief system so as to make it compatible with the extremists in the Republican Party, extremists who seek to alienate large swaths of society?

      Is Romney’s niceness defined by a willingness to custom-make his principles in order to get the approval of creeps like Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter?

      Does a nice guy do the things that Romney has done, like the the dog incident or the hair-cutting incident or the hair cuts he gave workers and their pensions when Bain took companies over and loaded them with debt in order to make a profit? Do good guys do that stuff?

      Was Romney being nice when he brought health care reform to Massachusetts but now is being doubly nice when he opportunistically attacks the same reform when Obama fought to bring it to all Americans? Huh?

      Is it decent of a guy to store some of his dough overseas in order to shield it from taxes that help support our country? How many roads weren’t built because Romney’s beer money is resting in Bermuda?

      Does a nice guy have offshore companies the financial and moral significance of which are kept secret from potential voters?

      Does a decent guy keep his tax returns hidden from the millions of taxpayers he seeks to govern?

      Look, obviously I don’t know Mitt Romney personally. And I admit to some prejudice in the matter, being a drinker, a Democrat, and an opponent of fundamentalist religion, especially the kind of freakish fundamentalism at the center of Romney’s life that keeps him clothed in special skivvies and away from alcohol.

      I can only know Romney by what comes out of his mouth, like the many lies he has told and keeps telling about Mr. Obama, or by what kind of policies he says he will pursue should, God forbid, Americans make the mistake of putting him in charge.

      And while judging his personal decency by his religious aversion to the drink or by what comes out of his mouth might sound like I’m swimming at the shallow end of the pool, I do have some Romney-approved company:

      Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.


  2. RDG,

    Romney’s attempt to appear presidential on foreign soil makes
    former President GW Bush’s stab at exiting a Chinese stage…through a locked door… grow more ‘Churchillian’ with age. Whether Mitt’s approximating human behavior in Wendy’s or inexplicably pissing off the British Prime Minister in what should have been an innocuous photo op, his unnatural public mannerisms and unforced verbal miscues continue to throw cheer leading cable television propagandists off cant: Every wrinkle of Anglo-Saxon gray matter huddled together at “Fox and Friends” will be needed to deflect Mitt’s praise of Israeli socialized medical care into wide-eyed diatribes against “Obamacare’s” insurance-friendly dive into godless Marxism.

    The Romney campaign can’t be any fun for reactionary pundits. It may take guest hosting an episode of “Hillbilly Fishing” or an afternoon of patriotic wild boar slaughter with Ted Nugent to refurnish Mitt’s “real” American conservative credentials.

    Hopefully he won’t be unnerved if such outdoor activity takes place where trees are of varying size.


    • !!!!!

      I for one would pay to see Romney—no, the whole Romney family—out noodling. After all, sticking your arm down the throat of a big catfish is more likely to win the hearts and minds of low information voters than engaging in tax-deductible horse ballet.


      • RDG,

        I’d watch the Romney clan catch fish in time-honored Paleolithic fashion just to see what outfits they’d wear. Instead of teasing Dad about his disturbing method of transporting family pets during long car trips, the boys could rib him about losing his Rolex Submariner to a ninety pound gar.


  3. A very apt post on our very own “nowhere man”. By the summary, Romney is not motivated by any specific political agenda, so we are left to wonder, what does motivate him? It’s a secret.

    I submit that power is the ultimate high and he wants to inhale.


    • Jim,

      What scares me about Romney is his lack of principles on policy matters. He literally would say or do anything to become president and no one really knows why he wants to be president. Your suggestion rings true to me. He has everything else, why not the world’s most powerful job? After all, he deserves it, no? But the only two things he appears genuinely passionate about is 1) his Mormon faith and 2) making as much money as possible. And those things he won’t talk much about, I suspect because they would reveal too much about his state of mind. In other words, if he talked extensively about those things we would find out really who he is, and it ain’t pretty, as far as I’m concerned.


  1. Is Romney A Decent Guy? « The Erstwhile Conservative: A Blog of Repentance
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