Mack Evans used to pastor one of the largest churches in Joplin. In March of 2010, I wrote a piece about a televised sermon he gave on the end times—you know the kind: Jesus is coming soon and he’s pissed!—in which Evans said that passage of the much-debated health care bill, the Affordable Care Act,
may be one of the final blows to bring down the finances and the political—politics—of this country.
That message is essentially the message of the Republican Party, which as most conservative evangelicals know, is the Party of God. So, I wasn’t too surprised to hear one of God’s spokesmen connect Obamacare to the End of Days, a time when God’s wrath will be revealed, a wrath that will mean the death of billions of unrepentant earthlings.
Well, Pastor Mack, as he is known, is back, but this time he isn’t peddling fear about the future. He’s got a new, uh, ministry:
That’s not a parody, my friends. This is not culled from the ONION. The ad actually appeared in the Joplin Globe on September 1. (I redacted the phone number.)
The guy, who actually lives in Diamond, Mo, is using a diamond he found to entice folks to come to his church to hear his sermon on how you can find your diamond! God, he’s brilliant!
If you had taken the bait and attended on Sunday, you would have heard “JOCK EVANS & THE BLACK SHEEP BAND” (definitely not this band) doing “I”m Just An Old Chunk of Coal, But I’m Gonna Be A Diamond Some Day.” Again, I’m not kidding. By the way, Jock Evans “likes” Mitt Romney. Go figure.
I do want to note, however, that Pastor Mack may be straying from GOP Jesus and the Romney-Ryan campaign, at least a little bit. According to a preview of Sunday’s sermon, “Buried Treasure,” I found on The Sheep Shed‘s Facebook page,
If you’re not careful, you can waste your life looking for your treasure somewhere else. It is not so much “where you are” as it is “what you are”. Most people will never be rich; they are not sitting on a diamond mine nor a gold mine.
“Most people will never be rich“? Are you kidding me? The meme that riches are just around the corner, that personal wealth will come your way if you only keep your nose to the grindstone—and keep voting for Republicans—is what keeps the American “sheep,” particularly the poor sheep around these parts, in line.
Otherwise they might wander off—leave the sheep shed—and vote for Democrats.
Now, if you’re a city-boy like me, you probably didn’t know there was such a thing as a sheep shed. And, naturally, the sheep shed needs, uh, cleaning every now and again. The following video features that chore. Some of my favorite dialog:
GRANDPA: “Mmm. This is all the good sheep manure we use in grandma’s garden. Look at this stuff! Boy oh boy! Grandma does it smell pee-yoo-ee?
GRANDMA: “Yes it does.”
You gotta love Youtube: