I’m From Missouri, So Show Me How Nutty You Can Be

The Guardian is a newspaper and now news website published a long way from Missouri, namely, the United Kingdom. One would think that nothing much happens in Missouri that would interest the average reader of a British newspaper.

Yet, I found this headline yesterday on The Guardian site:

guardian and missouri

Thus, the insanity in the Missouri legislature makes it all the way around the world.

Now, I want to note first of all that the Attorney General of the United States, Another Scary Negro named Eric Holder, has already instructed the state of Kansas that its recent nullification legislation regarding guns is unconstitutional:

Among its other provisions, S.B. 102 criminalizes the enforcement of federal law with respect to the types of firearms, firearm accessories, and ammunition described in the statute. The law purports to nullify certain federal firearms requirements and to authorize the State of Kansas to charge and convict federal officers for performing their law enforcement duties.

No one, except the maniacs who believe that possessing and toting around a firearm of any shape or size or capacity is a right granted directly from the throne of God Himself, believes that Kansas or Missouri, or other states with similar notions dancing in the heads of their gun-crazed legislators, will get away with this nonsense.

But it does make good politics, if by politics one means appealing to the Tea Party crowd, many of whom are itching for a shootin’ war with the feds. I can honestly say that I was permanently embarrassed, as one born in Kansas, when that state passed SB 102. I was further embarrassed when the pale-faced Kansas Attorney General and Tea Party hero, Kris Kobach, responded to the Other Scary Negro’s letter with utter contempt, including this ridiculous and delusional statement:

The Obama Administration has repeatedly violated the United States Constitution for the past four-and-a-half-years. That abuse cannot continue. The State of Kansas is determined to restore the Constitution and to protect the right of its citizens to keep and bear arms.

And now, thanks to the Republicans in Missouri’s Tea Party-dominated legislature, besides being a permanently embarrassed Kansas native, as a resident of Missouri I have to live with the embarrassment that not only do other normal people, in more civilized parts of the United States, think we’re a bunch of yahoos here in Missouri, now the whole world does.

Finally, for those of you not familiar with what happened on Wednesday regarding the gun legislation in Missouri, here is the AP summary:

In addition to declaring federal gun laws unenforceable, the bill would allow concealed weapons to be carried by designated school personnel in school buildings. It would allow appointed “protection officers” to carry concealed weapons as long as they have a valid permit and register with the state Department of Public Safety. The officers would also be required to complete a training course.

The bill would also allow people with a firearms permit to openly carry weapons less than 16 inches in length even in localities that prohibit open-carry of firearms…

The legislation passed Wednesday would prevent people from publishing any identifying information on gun owners. A person who publishes such information would be guilty of a class A misdemeanor. It also would prevent doctors or nurses from being required to ask patients about firearm ownership.

The Huffington Post summarized a portion of the law this way:

Under the gun measure, lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to nullify all federal gun laws in the state, while allowing some teachers to carry guns in schools. The bill also says some teachers who do not carry guns can be fired, while providing them with limited arrest powers.

Yes. Read that last sentence again. So, besides getting your education degree, you aspiring teachers out there had better start practicing your quick draw.

It’s insane, every bit of it, and it’s all coming from people who claim, falsely, of course, that they are the party of limited government.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about the really good and embarrassing stuff the Missouri legislature has done to protect us from the United Nations’ black helicopter contingent and the Muslims:

Legislature sends bills barring Agenda 21, Sharia Law to governor

I urge you—no, I beg you—to follow that link and read what Missouri’s Republicans have been doing. The best comment I have read so far:

House Minority Leader Jake Hummel, D-St. Louis, compared the bill to legislation that would regulate “space aliens.”

The more I think about it, I would be less embarrassed if these right-wing freaks had decided to regulate space aliens. Because, as we all know, those outer space folks do have black helicopters with cloaking devices that render them invisible to the untrained eye, and they want to impose their alien beliefs on all the Christians in Missouri.




  1. You know what they say, Duane: “There’s no such thing as ‘bad’ publicity.” So Missouri’s right wing brain trust is finding a way to attract new residents to the state. If you’re a semi-literate, Tea Party nut bag Missouri is the state for you. Can’t you just see the bumper sticker? Along with the toothless gun toters will doubtless come their brethren: snake-handlers, meth lab builders, and women’s clinic bombers. Don’t be embarrassed. Embrace the new culture. What a state! What a country!


  2. Oh. My. God. We have our share of meth lab builders already, but if the damn snake-handlers move in, I’m movin’ out! It’s one thing to believe in forcing teachers to tote guns to school or to suggest starting another civil war, but it’s quite another to invite a snake to bite you on the ass to prove you love Jesus!


  3. kabe

     /  May 10, 2013

    I assume that any school district that requires a teacher to posses the qualifications of a teacher and a police officer will be raising the pay level for these individuals. I’m thinking about 90 grand starting. I AM moving out, as soon as the kiddos graduate!



  4. angelfire

     /  May 11, 2013

    Yes, yes, yes. Aren’t they smart?

    I used to think it was just us poor people who had not been raised here but rather brought here by parents at an older age that thought this place was indeed the political bowels of hell.

    When you are forced to move here you are surrounded by idiots no matter where you go or whom you befriend. Either they are inbred or something really bad is in their un-regulated water because the IQ in a pickup truck load of these Ozark Ikes is less than 50 and they pride themselves in showing and proving it daily. Amen?

    The theory seems to be —- why be dumb, why have the IQ of gum on the bottom of someone’s shoe if you cannot show it off? Thus: The Missouri Legislature. Do they not know that the federal law “trumps” this mess they just passed—we get it—they don’t like the skinny black guy in the White House—we get it. So are our police forces going to start arresting federal agents doing their jobs? Really?

    We Missourians should DEMAND the legislature’s paychecks BACK this month. They cannot think of enough ways to screw we taxpayers out of our hard earned money can they?

    You have to wonder how they find their way home at the end of session.


  5. Angelfire: They have to carpool.


  6. It must be some kind of weird maturation process. The legislature used to be content with endorsing a state lizard or signing up in favor of apple pie. Clearly they have gotten into a defensive mood of late.

    “It’s far better the legislature meet every sixty years for two days than every two years for sixty days.” – attributed to Mark Twain


    • Gotta love Mark Twain. Thanks for that quote. Even if he didn’t say it, it sounds like something he would have said.


  7. Jason B

     /  June 1, 2013

    Yay Missouri. I have to make sure at least ONE dissenting post is here so you dont feel like you are preaching to the choir. I personally love HB 436 and it has nothing to do with being a snake handler or a nut. The fact that this bill could pass so easily just proves Missouri is and always has been a very red state. Just because we get idiots like Nixon in statewide office doesnt mean we cant control the madness by electing people that represent those of us who voted for them.

    To be fair, Nixon was a decent AG, i voted for him in that role, but he was constrained by law. He should be as governor but you cant sit there with a straight face and tell me he isnt just as a corrupt a POS as Roy Blunt. He is and you know it.

    Our legislature passes A LOT of good bills this session. Some of them flew under the radar but these guys are trying hard to preserve our liberties and you should be thankful.


  8. Jason B

     /  June 1, 2013

    To follow up, you should REALLY read about Agenda 21 and be glad this bill was passed.


    It aint just a crazy republican thing. People ALL of us need to wake up to the corruption that is going on in this world. regardless of whether we agree on who needs how many guns, you need to realize WE HAVE BEEN PLAYED on both sides of the issues.


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