This Is How Trump Stays Viable

On his MSNBC show this morning, Joe Scarborough was, as is his wont and as is the wont of nearly every cable television pundit outside of Hayes, Maddow, and O’Donnell, giving Donald Trump advice. Usually Scarborough’s advice to Trump relates to how the 70-year-old fool and likely GOP presidential nominee ought to behave, how he should “pivot”—mainstream media’s favorite word designed to shkreli.jpgcommunicate to Trump that he needs to stop being so childish, stupid, and nasty—from the primary to the general election.  Today, though, Scarborough was giving advice on whom Trump should pick as his running mate, which, as we all can see, is pretty slim pickings. When Newt Gingrich is one of the options, that means Martin Shkreli said he doesn’t want any part of it.

In any case, about right-wing zealot Mike Pence, who to me is the obvious choice for those people who give a shit who Trump picks, Scarborough said the following:

My concern about Mike Pence is you never know how somebody’s gonna act on the national stage…On the national stage it’s easy to get out there and say some pretty dumb things even if you’re a pretty smart guy. Same thing with the General [Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn]. I would warn everybody away from the General…[because] you want somebody who has been on the big stage, who excels on the big stage. And, really, you’ve got Newt Gingrich who’s all over the place. But then you’ve got the guy who was one of the best campaigners in the fall and the guy who finished Marco Rubio’s campaign single-handedly, and that’s Chris Christie….I will tell you Chris Christie’s a guy you know you can put out there, he’s not going to embarrass you and chances are pretty good he’s going to embarrass the other side.

So, there you have it. If Donald was listening—and we know he was because he is obsessed with those people on cable television who are obsessed with him—he now knows who Joe Scarborough thinks he should pick. He should pick a guy who got his ass thoroughly kicked in the primary and who doesn’t embarrass Trump [!!!] by saying dumb things! Of course!

It is quality analysis like that, coming from one of the most popular political insiders on television, that keeps the Pumpkin Punchinello’s hopes alive that he will one day sit in the White’s House and restore the country to its former greatness as an isolated, xenophobic nation that will embrace the coat hanger as a national symbol for women’s reproductive rights, burn fossil fuels faster than ever, and make white supremacists feel like, finally, they’ve got their country back.

Keep it up, Joe and other pundits on television, you may get your wish.

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  1. Dictionary says belief is the acceptance that something is true. Then there’s the word, certitude. Thats the absolute conviction that something is the case. So, there are degrees of belief.

    Scarborough, taking a populist cue from the puckered orange provocateur, is using the lower end of the scale to bolster his viewer stats. Chris Christy no embarrassment? Man, that’s really pushing the belief envelope!

    Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. — George Carlin


    • I try to explain to people the difference between certitude and certainty, but often the distinction is lost. It is an important point to keep making though.

      Scarborough is also trying to get back on Trump’s good side and get him on the show again regularly. Trump is boycotting Morning Joe because of a few moments of sanity when Mika and Joe actually dared to criticize him.

      In any case, Carlin’s theology makes sense to me. My Frisbee was always getting stuck somewhere, on a roof or in a tree, and that has to have cosmic significance, right?


  2. The thought that Trump could win is one of the major things I worry about, and I worry about a lot of stuff. Too many good people I know are obsessed with anti-abortion beliefs and their duty to vote R because they have always done so. This is particularly true in Kansas, where folks often vote agains their best interests.


    • I worry about it also, believe me. Every day.

      You are right about Kansas, where people vote against their own interests because of issues like abortion and gay rights. And you are right, too, about anti-choice folks obsessed with the issue being mostly “good” people. Most of them genuinely believe, or think they believe, that abortion is the equivalent of murder. As I have written before, though, such people don’t really believe that it is equivalent to murder or we would see doctors and nurses killed and abortion clinics bombed all over the place. Thankfully we don’t.

      By the way, I’m glad I’m not the only one worried!


  3. Donald Trump’s campaign looks exactly like what Al Capone’s campaign would have looked like if he had ran for president. Mobsters have sunk below the radar. Trump is in the class of celebrity that replaced them.


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