Here’s One Campaign Promise Every Democrat Running For President Should Make

As zealous evangelicals, using Tr-mp as their vehicle, giddily move us toward their much-awaited and much-desired Armageddon, I will use a few moments to tell you one thing I want to hear from whoever ends up representing Democrats in the 2020 election for president. Before I get to that, though, I want to set it up.

I watched the Baptist pastor Robert Jeffress deliver his opening “prayer” today in Jerusalem, during the peace-killing embassy ceremony. The Jew-hating pastor, as expected, delivered an appalling supplication to one of his Lords—“the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob”—and paid galling tribute to his other Lord—the shady shitgibbon in the Whites’ House. Jeffress, to no one’s surprise, managed to offend almost everyone, except those Israelis who are killing unarmed Palestinian protesters and those others who don’t give a shit if they are.

Other than the dangerous stupidity involved in the whole thing, there were any number of reasons to be outraged at the embassy ceremony today, from Jeffress to Jared Kushner to Benjamin Netanyahu, all of whom made sure to mention Tr-mp’s name as often as the indecency of the moment permitted, which is to say every other sentence. But the most outrageous moment for me was when Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin and shitgibbon’s daughter, Ivanka, unveiled the plaque at the new embassy in Jerusalem. Here is a closeup of a photo taken by Menahem Kahana, of the AFP news agency:

jerusalem plaque and ivanka

There, in letters the same size as the words identifying the embassy, was “DONALD J. TRUMP,” Lord Shitgibbon.

Okay. Here’s the deal. What I want any presidential candidate on my team, who is asking for my vote in a Democratic primary in 2020, to say is this:

Should I get elected president, it will probably be too late for me to move our embassy back to Tel Aviv—the damage has been done. But there is one thing I will promise you. Among the first things I will do after all the inaugural balls are over, after I sign several executive orders countermanding all the Tr-mp executive orders that countermanded all the Obama executive orders, I will hop my ass on a newly-fumigated Air Force One and fly to Jerusalem. With me, right by my side, will be a gold-handled masonry chisel—the most beautiful chisel you have ever seen—along with a carbide-tipped stone-busting hammer. Upon arrival at the embassy, I will put those American-made tools in my hands and, in the name of the American people, I will personally remove any trace of DONALD J. TRUMP from that plaque. Personally. I mean it. You can count on it. With my own hands. I don’t care how long it takes. I’ll do it.

Oh, and while I’m at it, and just to make clear my intentions, I’ll put the chisel to MICHAEL R. PENCE, too.

I wouldn’t walk, I’d run, to the polls.

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3 Comments

  1. Oh, Hell YES! You have created a platform for the ages, my brother. Before they go to prison, though, I’d like to nominate the pair for the Noble Pieces of Shit Prize.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Don’t put it past them to accept that award, if it comes with cash. Jusy sayin’.

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      Reply
      • thgeneralist

         /  May 14, 2018

        Pretty sure the orange spit dribble needs the cash. Mikey would give his to Jesus if he could be sure that liberal do-gooder wouldn’t give it to the poor.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

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